It is hard to tell people what I do on my days off. I spend all week dreaming about all the writing and reading I am going to get done over the weekend, blaming the lack of production during the week on work. If only I had a whole the day, I could finish writing my book, take a five mile run, masturbate twice, and finish Infinite Jest. Then when the weekend comes, none of those things happen. Except the masturbation. I sleep in till eleven, finish watching the movie I fell asleep to, and scratch my balls while I scroll through Facebook. Then it is lunch time. I need food. And I need to watch TV while I am eating. But then it only takes me ten minutes to eat, but there is forty minutes left in the show. Can’t stop watching. Then by the end of the episode it is nearly two o’clock. Too late to really do anything with the day, so I hang around the house. I finally pick up a book. About two pages in my eyes are drooping, and I fall asleep on the couch. I’ll wake up just in time for dinner. Food=entertainment. I’ll watch another episode, and then maybe another after that because I have decided it is too late to start trying now. After a hard days sit, I’ll crack open a beer, watch another episode and fall asleep, excited about everything I am going to get done on Sunday.
It is quite the cycle we find ourselves in. We dream about everything that we want and know the path to get there, but make every excuse not to begin. Simultaneously, we complain about our stance in life and how the world has screwed us over. Our parents lied to us when they told us we could be anything we wanted. The TV gives us false hopes. All of our friends are doing way better.
What I realized around two-thirty when I still had my pajamas on, is that it is pretty awesome that I am in my pajamas at two-thirty in the afternoon. I watched Split for the first time, which was okay besides the stupid twist at the end. In total today, I read a few chapters of a book, played an hour of guitar, cut my hair, watched a new episode of Animals on HBO, wrote 5 pages of a script, and now a new blog post. Having started around three, I’d say that was an okay day.
Because I am a writer, I always feel like I am not doing enough. My work does not have a monetary return value, nor do I need it to. But at some point I would like to be recognized as a voice of a generation, if I’m being modest. Ambition is a great attribute. But we can’t let the little voice in our head tell us that we are not good enough because we are not rich or don’t have everything that we want. We need to look at our disheveled hair in the mirror and know that it is okay to look like shit on Saturdays. You have earned it.
Future Mate Criteria #6
She must be okay with me scratching my balls without a hint of discretion.
Note: This blog once ran the 40 in 4.4 minutes.